Sexuality for Baby Boomers

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Sexuality for Baby Boomers

 

‘The quality or state of being sexual, the condition of having sex, sexual activity, expression of sexual receptivity or interest…’

 

Sexuality is defined as the quality or state of being sexual; it is an aspect of one’s need for closeness, caring, and touch. Sex is one of our very basic needs – even for Baby-Boomers. Sex is necessary for the survival of the human race, but it can also just be very pleasing and feel good in and of itself. Good sexual experiences between two individuals can be very helpful for one’s emotional and physical health.

Several years ago, I came across an excellent book by Jess Lair, Ph. D called Sex, If I Didn’t Laugh, I’d Cry: Beyond the Sexual Revolution—How To Admit Our Failures and Free Our Feelings—and Find Closeness and Wholeness in Sex. Dr. Lair talks about how when two people are intimate… they become ‘bonded’ spiritually and psychically. He goes on to use the analogy of gluing two boards together and trying to pry them apart—there is never a clean break and always parts of the one board will be stuck to the other board. I consider this breaking apart as creating holes in one’s soul.

I’ve shared the concept of Sacred Bonding with many friends over the years. Most people scoff at it and say that I’ve elevated sex too high—that I make too much of it; they tell me ‘it’s just another body function like eating.’ But I tend to agree with Dr. Lair that taking such a cavalier and casual attitude about sex without recognizing the long-term consequences has gotten us into trouble. We are playing not only with our own hearts, emotions, physical and spiritual well-being by making sex a casual sport, but also with our partners.

In Taoist philosophy, ‘making love’ is more than just a euphemism. It is a bonding between two people that reflects the bonding between human and Divine, and is undertaken in that light. This is the kind of bonding in relationships that I am encouraging couples to strive for, and I believe it is possible to achieve in this lifetime—in this generation—in this century.

A friend of mine related the following conversation that she heard while on a singles campout with members who were well over age sixty-five. She said that one of the women said, “I wouldn’t live with anyone I wouldn’t want to marry.” One of the elderly men of group said, “I’ll go one further than that, I wouldn’t have sex with anyone I wouldn’t want to marry.”

 

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Happy mature couple on bed

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Along the similar lines of sacred bonding that most people aren’t aware of, is that many people don’t realize that sex is a relationship behaviour. If we agree that there must be friendship as the basis of a relationship, what distinguishes a friendship from a relationship? Sex.

Many people who say they aren’t looking for a relationship, but don’t want to be celibate attempt to get their sexual needs met by having what is termed ‘friends with privileges.’ I haven’t seen or experienced any successful ‘friends with privileges’ arrangements, and the reason is because sex is a relationship behaviour. Eventually one or other of the parties begins to feel or desire to make the arrangement more permanent. This is partly due to the fact that they are giving and receiving mixed messages and coming from a place of incongruency – they desire to bring their feelings and actions in alignment. The next thing they know, they are in a relationship by default—whether they really love or even like their partner.

 

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