Sexuality and Intimacy
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Sexuality and Intimacy for Baby Boomers
Sexuality and intimacy for baby-boomers is no different than the intimacy desired at any other stage of life. We all want to be seen and heard.
The best definition or pronunciation of intimacy that I’ve seen is into-me-you-see. This has nothing to do with the nakedness of one’s body, so much as a nakedness of the Soul.
I believe that intimacy is tied up with trust and it’s not something that should be given lightly. However in order to be seen we need to let down our walls, take off our masks and revel our deepest hopes, dreams, wishes and fears. In 1994 I wrote a poem about wearing masks that I’d like to share with you here:
My mask is cracked, and crumbling down.
No longer hard, and strong.
and cold and unapproachable,
I show my vulnerability.
Please don’t hurt me,
for I don’t want to wear this mask,
for it smothers the life right out of me.
My mask is breaking.
Please help me pick up the pieces.
We can glue it together,
and hang it for all the world to see
the mask which nearly sucked the life right out of me.
Copyright © 1994, Linda Wall
Developing Intimacy for Baby Boomers
It’s been my experience that intimacy and vulnerability are the same side of the coin. It’s been very scary for me to take down that mask and show my fears and wishes and hopes and dreams with another human being. I seem to have an easier time sharing these things with my women friends than I do sharing with an intimate partner. Probably because in the past I never developed relationships in a healthy way in which it was based on honesty, communication and respect before getting into the relationship.
Today, I believe I would have an easier time developing intimacy with a partner than I ever did in the past. Probably, and most likely it’s true for other baby boomers – we are older and wiser than we’ve ever been. Therefore we can make better choices. We are usually much more secure within ourselves now that we have many decades of life through trial and error under our belt.
Intimacy for baby boomers develops slowly. Intimacy is based on trust and a sense of safety and security of one’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. A sense – a trust – a knowingness (from proven previous sharing with this person) of one’s safety is a necessary part of allowing oneself to open up and be vulnerable with another human being.
And trust is earned. It is not a ‘right.’ Too many times in my younger years I blindly trusted someone only to be ridiculed or betrayed by sharing my inner-most deepest intimate details with this person. Once one has been betrayed it is difficult and open up and trust again, but it is necessary for one’s development that we not take out a broken trust by one person and judge the whole world as untrustworthy. We have to heal our emotional wounds, and pick ourselves up and move on.
Books on Sexuality & Intimacy I recommend
Click on the link to read my book review
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman
- Empowering Relationships by Shatki Durga
- Sex: if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry, by Jess Lair, Ph.D.
- Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
- Radical Forgiveness: Making Room for the Miracle, by Colin C. Tipping
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