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Compatibility in Relationships for Baby-Boomers

Tanya Tucker has a song that came out about 20 years ago called If It Don’t Come Easy that I heard on the radio again the other day for the first time in ages. The chorus of the song goes like this:

“If it don’t come easy, you better let it go.
‘Cos when it don’t come easy, there’s no natural flow.
Don’t make it hard on your heart, you might be better off alone,
If it don’t come easy, you better let it go.” (Written by Dave Gibson)

That’s one of my major premises about healthy relationships; love and relationships shouldn’t be hard. We make it hard by not knowing how to pick the right person, by not knowing what criteria to use in our selection process.

Many people get into a relationship with the ‘wrong’ person by default. People start dating and make an emotional commitment long before they have enough information about their partner to know if there is enough to build a solid foundation for their relationship to withstand any challenges that will inevitably come along.

Compatibility

‘Capable of co-existing; capable of being together in harmony; suitable, agreeable; not incongruous.’

Compatibility is one of the, if not the biggest, criteria necessary for a happy, healthy relationship. Taoists take great pains to assure that potential couples are compatible at all levels. Compatibility is so important that e-Harmony, the popular on-line matching site developed by renowned author and relationship expert Dr. Neil Clark Warren, matches couples based on 29 areas of compatibility.

The CQ (Compatibility Quotient) Test was developed by Dr. Glenn Wilson, Ph.D., an eminent psychologist and one of the world’s leading experts in the science of love and attraction. He based it on 25 factors that are recognized by psychologists to be the main causes of discontent and breakdown in relationships. Cybersuitors, an on-line dating site, matches people based on the CQ. Their findings show in particular that sharing similar views on five different subjects is critical to the marital happiness of both genders. These five which apply equally to both men and women require them to have similar views on:

• sexual fidelity and
• sex drive;
• their preferred type of relationship;
• personality style; and
• their taste for foreign food;

There are certain aspects of one’s basic nature that can’t be changed easily, such as personality style; intellect; sex drive; spirituality; morals, values and character; and dominant senses. Because these aspects of one’s basic nature are relatively stable and unchangeable over time, these things need to be known, looked at and discussed as part of the casual dating (the selection and elimination) process in order to wisely choose your partner.

The following is the list that I think are necessary areas for compatibility to ensure a Lasting Relationship.

a) Dominant Senses

b) Emotional Style

c) Intellect

d) Personality Style

e) Sexual Compatibility

f) Spiritual Compatibility

g) Values, Beliefs, Character & Morals

Cartoon – Woman looking in mirror wearing a dress labeled ‘True Self,’ thought bubble ‘I was always nervous about wearing this one… now it’s my favourite.’

Although it seems to be a lot to digest in this area of compatibility, it really can all be boiled down to ‘Know Thyself, Be Honest.’ Especially in the areas of one’s personality that can’t be easily changed or adapted: Intellect, Emotionality, Sexuality, and Dominant Senses. I consider that spirituality can be changed or adapted if one chooses to consider and analyze their beliefs and where they got them and do they still ‘fit’ for them today.

To embark on a life-long commitment to another person, it only makes sense to really and truly know one’s self and what it truly is that they want out of a relationship and what they bring to a relationship.

I have written a whole chapter on Compatibility in my upcoming book, The 8 Cs of Relationships.

For more information on when The 8 Cs of Relationships will be published (anticipated publication date late 2023) and where to pre-order your copy, please fill in the form here.

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