Comradery

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Comradery

Comradeship, or comradery is developed through shared activities with a companion or friend. This feeling of friendliness, caring and warmth is developed through participation of common interests and activities during the casual dating stage of relationships.

Generally, men and women are fairly amiable during the early, casual dating stage. They are both still putting their best personality traits forward in order to win the affections of the other.

People tend to be good-natured, cooperative and willing to accept the wishes, decisions, or suggestions of the other in this early stage.

They may tend to think that if they are amiable to the other’s suggestions that this will increase their lovability. It may or may not work. Only if they are agreeing to things they truly value and desire and are being true to their own desires and values will they feel whole-heartedly loved. If they are only agreeing in order to increase their lovability yet the activities aren’t part of their normal interests, any degree of lovability demonstrated towards them may feel fake and phony.

I know in my past when I did things against my morals and values in order to be liked or loved, even if ‘they’ did like or love me, I felt like a fraud. I felt alone and misunderstood. And I was. Because ‘they’ weren’t loving the ‘Real’ Me. They loved the persona, and the mask that I was wearing.

My Mask

My mask is cracked, and crumbling down.

No longer hard, and strong.

and cold and unapproachable,

I show my vulnerability.

Please don’t hurt me,

for I don’t want to wear this mask,

for it smothers the life right out of me.

My mask is breaking.

Please help me pick up the pieces.

We can glue it together,

and hang it for all the world to see

the mask which nearly sucked the life right out of me.

© Copyright 1994, Linda Wall. All rights reserved.

Half ‘devil,’ half ‘angel’ mask (Painted by Linda Wall, 2015)

As the couple participates in shared interests, from walking, hiking or biking and other physical activities; or seeing, reading or discussing books and movies, to sharing their deepest fears and hopes and dreams, to shared religious or spiritual values and traditions, each of these activities creates a sense of closeness and bonding.

This deepening of connection on many levels helps push the relationship and couple into the next stage of the relationship – serious dating. Check out my essay on serious dating here.

However, not all casual dating experiences develop further due to not enough compatibility between the pair; sometimes, at this stage, the couple will choose to part ways and stop seeing one another. Without these deep feelings and/or many areas of compatibility the friendship is unlikely to develop further into a lasting relationship. The pair may continue to maintain a friendship, or they may choose to go their separate ways.   Endings don’t have to be acrimonious with a lot of fighting, arguing and hatred. It is possible to end a relationship on friendly terms, amicably and peacefully wishing the other person the very best in their future. See my essay on compatibility here.

Comradery is a state or quality of companionship that helps deepen the friendship and feelings within the couple… See my essay on Lasting Relationships here.

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