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Communication for Baby-Boomers
As Dr. John Gray says, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,’ so how can we find a common language in which to convey our innermost thoughts, feelings and desires to someone from another planet?
Once one has found a potential mate, then during the casual dating stage they have to find out what interests they have in common. Casual dating is meant for spending time together sharing activities and a non-threatening way to insert questions into one’s conversation in order to assess whether this person shares the same morals, values, beliefs and goals for a life-long committed relationship as you do.
How well one can communicate their wants, needs and desires—how they express what they are feeling also plays a role in how smooth your relationship will be. To not only know yourself and your communication style, but to also know how your potential partner communicates, and learning how to traverse the rough waters of communicating with someone who also has a different way of thinking and expressing themselves is a life-long process. However, spending time in the early stages of your potential relationship learning how to effectively communicate without having the emotional investment of commitment can lay a solid foundation to sustain your relationship for a lifetime.
‘The exchange of intelligence, news, opinions, thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behaviour.’
The keyword in the above definition is ‘exchange’—that means that the receiver of the information receives the same information that was sent. Many times there is a lot of talking but not a lot of communication between people. As you can see by the definition of communication that it encompasses more than just words—behaviour and body language also impart much information between people. Most people don’t really listen to what is being said—they may hear the words, but they are so busy rehearsing their turn to talk that they are not paying attention to the more subtle parts of communication—the tone of voice, and the body language accompanying the words…
Many years ago, I heard the definition of assume in the following light, ‘to assume is to make an ass of you ‘n’ me’ (ass—u—me). It is so important for couples to truly know what the other really meant and to not assume they know the other’s thoughts, feelings or actions.
For more on communication, check out the following essays I’ve written:
- Four Styles of Communication
- Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles
- Factors that may inhibit effective communication
- Non-verbal Communication
There is any number of endless conversations a couple can have over the lifetime of their relationship; and many conversations that should happen before they make a commitment to be together in a relationship. Here are several areas that people need to discuss during the casual dating stage; one’s answers and behaviours regarding these questions help you evaluate realistically whether you have a basis of compatibility in which to build the foundation of a relationship:
- Communication Styles
- Division Of Household Labour
- Dominant Senses
- Emotional Style
- Fitness And Health
- Maintaining Old Friendships with The Opposite Sex
- Money—Priorities For Spending And Saving
- Personal Cleanliness
- Political Interests
- Sexual Compatibility
- Spirituality – Spiritual Or Religious Beliefs
- Vacations And Holidays
- Values, Beliefs, Character And Morals
This is just a small sample of topics to touch on during the casual dating phase.
I have written a whole chapter on Communication in my upcoming book, The 8 Cs of Relationships.
For more information on when The 8 Cs of Relationships will be published (anticipated publication date late 2023) and where to pre-order your copy, please fill in the form here.
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