Sex: If I Didn’t Laugh I’d Cry

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Book Review – Sex: If I Didn’t Laugh I’d Cry

November 8, 2020

The full title of the book is: Sex: If I Didn’t Laugh I’d Cry – Beyond The Sexual Revolution – How To Admit Our Failures And Free Our Feelings – And Find Closeness And Wholeness In Sex”

 

Sex: If I Didn’t Laugh I’d Cry
by Jess Lair, Ph.D.

 

Powerful Read!!!

I read one of Jess Lair’s earlier books called I Ain’t Much Baby – But I’m All I’ve Got so I was just as intrigued by the title of this book. Jess Lair writes in a casual tone just as if one was sitting in his living room having a coffee and a visit.

With chapter titles like: If Sex Is So Good How Come It Can Hurt So Bad? and Our First Big Obstacle To Sex – Our Terrible Deprivation, and The Second Big Obstacle To Sex – Our Self-Centeredness And Our Fear Of Intimacy; Learning To Love – Friendly Love; Surrender In Sexual Loving – The Messy Business Of Carrying On A Personal And Loving Relationship.I got the most out of Chapter 7 – Bonding And The Healing Power Of Love.

Jess writes:

“When we don’t meet our biological needs for bonding, we experience hunger, just as we do when we don’t eat. That hunger shows itself as pain. We tend to react to that pain in one of two ways: fear (the anticipation of pain) or anger at what we see as the cause of the pain, the others around us.

There is very little understanding in our society of bonding and the consequences of careless bonding. We don’t understand the depth of the physical consequences of deeply loving and being naked to the other person. 

We don’t see the consequences of our bonding, so we don’t see we have a responsibility for our bonding the rest of our lives.

We don’t want to look at the havoc all our careless bonding leaves behind.” 

Jess wrote, “…the people who bonded the most, often had the least sense of what all that indiscriminate bonding was doing to them…”

This was the most powerful statement in the book:

When you bond two pieces of wood together and then break the bond, there isn’t a clean break. Part of each piece of wood is torn away by the other. Same when a deep bond is broken, in my opinion. So we bond and breakaway a number of times and we can’t figure out why we hurt so…

After reading that passage about two blocks of wood being bonded then ripped apart, I had an image of one creating holes in their Souls with each and every sexual encounter. It was such a powerful image…

I highly recommend – for anyone over the age of consent… the earlier in life that one reads it they will save themselves years, even decades of heartbreak and confusion.


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