SoulFull Relationships For Baby-Boomers
The following is a dialogue on relationships between Neale Donald Walsch and “God” in his book, Conversations With God.
…First, make sure you get into a relationship for the right reasons (…I mean “right” relative to the larger purpose you hold in your life.)
As I’ve indicated before, most people either enter into relationships for the “wrong” reasons – to end loneliness, fill a gap, bring themselves to love, or someone to love – and those are some of the better reasons. Others do so to salve their ego, end their depressions, improve their sex life, recover from a previous relationship, or, believe it or not, to relieve boredom.
None of these reasons will work, and unless something dramatic changes along the way, neither will the relationship…
…I think you entered into your relationships because you “fell in love.”
That’s exactly right.
And I don’t think you stopped to look at why you “fell in love.” What was it to which you were responding? What need, or set of needs, was being fulfilled?
For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.
Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree – tacitly – to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.
It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.
You’ve made this point before.
Yes, and you’ve done this thing before – not once, but several times.
Maybe I keep hoping You’ll come up with a different answer. You take a lot of the romance out of it when I ask You about relationships. What’s wrong with falling head over heals in love without having to think about it?
Nothing. Fall in love with as many people as you like that way. But if you’re going to form a lifelong relationship with them, you may want to add a little thought.
On the other hand, if you enjoy going through relationships like water – or, worse yet, staying in one because you think you “have to,” then living a life of quiet desperation – if you enjoy repeating these patterns from your past, keep right on doing what you’ve been doing.
Okay. So I want to find the tools for a long-term relationship – and you say entering relationships purposefully is one of them.
Yes. Be sure you and your mate agree on purpose.
If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation – and opportunity for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through communion of your two souls – if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking – the relationship has begun on a very good note. It’s gotten off on the right foot. That’s a very good beginning.
Still, it’s no guarantee of success.
If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written.
Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted.
Okay. Got it. So now I’ve got my relationship off to this “very good start.” Now, how do I keep it going?
Know and understand that there will be challenges and difficult times.
Don’t try to avoid them. Welcome them. Gratefully. See them as grand gifts from God; glorious opportunities to do what you came into the relationship – and life – to do.
Try very hard not to see your partner as the enemy, or the opposition, during these times.
In fact, seek to see no one, and nothing, as the enemy – or even the problem. Cultivate the technique of seeing all problems as opportunities…
… I know, I know – “be, and decide, Who You Really Are.”
…Sounds like a pretty dull life to me.
Then you’re setting your sights too low. Broaden the scope of your horizons. Extend the depth of your vision. See more in you than you think there is to be seen. See more in your partner too.
You will never dis-serve your relationship – nor anyone – by seeing more in another than they are showing you. For there is more there. Much more. It is only their fear that stops them from showing you. If others notice that you see them as more, they will feel safe to show you what you obviously already see.
People tend to live up to our expectations of them.
Something like that. I don’t like the word “expectations” here. Expectations ruin relationships. Let’s say that people tend to see in themselves what we see in them. The grander our vision, the grander their willingness to access and display the part of them we have shown them.
Isn’t that how all truly blessed relationships work? Isn’t that part of the healing process – the process by which we give people permission to “let go” of every false thought they’ve ever had about themselves?
…The work of the Soul is to wake yourself up. The work of God is to wake up everybody else up.
We do this by seeing others as Who They Are – by reminding them of Who They Are.
This you can do in two ways – by reminding them of Who They Are (very difficult, because they will not believe you), and by remembering Who You Are (much easier, because you do not need their belief, only your own). Demonstrating this constantly ultimately reminds others of Who They Are, for they will see themselves in you…
This is the Highest Ideal that I am striving for – for my Soul, my Self, and my Relationships. Time will tell if I find a man evolved enough, courageous enough to walk this journey with me. In the meantime – one day at a time – I continue to study and apply Spiritual Teachings to every aspect of my life.
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